Komui's experiment
by harmony-of-mar
Summary: When an experiment of Komui's goes wrong, a disease is spread throught the order. Lavi teams up with the scientists to try and stop the disease and find a cure before it spreads to the rest of the world. And what is the sickness anyway? allenxlenalee-ish
1. Chapter 1

**Right, I'm kinda tired of writing doom-gloom stories with a plot, so here's some random crack. Don't worry, I haven't stopped writing my other fic, just taking a short break till my exams finish.**

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

**A gigantic explosion shook the entire order as the lab Komui had been working in blew up.** Reever, who was in the room outside, gave a cry of surprise and ran towards the obliterated area. Komui had been in there for the last few days trying to invent some kind of potion, for what he didn't know.

'Supervisor!' Reever yelled, throwing the door open, 'What happened?'

The once white lab was now gray, and strange pink smoke filled the room. In the corner, Reever spotted Komui stumbling towards him, replacing his hat on his head, his glasses black from ash.

'Supervisor!' Reever repeated, running towards him, 'Are you ok?'

'Just fine, Reever, just fine,' Komui smiled, taking his glasses off and wiping them on his shirt, 'Just a small miscalculation I think.'

'A small one?! You blew up the entire room! What were you working on, anyway?'

'Its simple,' the man grinned, putting his glasses back on, 'It's a potion for-'

Suddenly, Komui stopped, staring at the other man, a strange glint in his eye. Reever, utterly creeped out, took a step back.

'Uh, Supervisor…?'

Komui didn't seem to hear him. He just kept staring. Suddenly, he leapt forward. Reever screamed.

--

**Lavi yawned widely, stretching his arms into the air. He was bored, and had decided to go annoy Kanda for a while, and was now heading to his room. **A few minutes passed, the silence broken only by the sound of Lavi's boots hitting the floor, then, he looked up and saw Kanda walking towards him.

'Yuu-Chan!' Lavi called out happily, quickening his pace, 'I was just looking for you! How are you-MPHT!'

Kanda suddenly grabbed Lavi by the scarf, pulled him forward and smashed his lips against his own. Lavi's eye widened in surprise, too shocked to move. Suddenly, Kanda's eyes opened, and he looked equally shocked as his friend. He cried out and pushed him away.

'Urgh! You Baka usagi! What do you think your doing?!'

'What am _I_ doing? What are _YOU_ doing?! You're the one who kissed me!'

Kanda looked disgusted, eye twitching, but then suddenly his face softened, his eyes wide.

'Oh my god I did! But why would I…I mean how…I'm not even… Arggh!'

The samurai suddenly turned and ran the other way, holding his hands up to his mouth like he was going to throw up. Lavi stared confusedly after him, wondering what he was smoking, then shrugged and changed his course towards the dining room to perhaps see Allen.

On the way down the halls were empty, and Lavi took his time, humming happily, when he heard his name being called out. He turned to see a finder coming towards him.

'Master Lavi, I just came to tell you Senior Bookman wants to see-'

Lavi strode forward, his mind blank all of a sudden, then grabbed the finder and kissed him. As soon as his lips touched the other mans, he regained his senses and pulled away, the finder looking at him in a shocked way.

'Uhh…Sir?'

'Sorry I'm drunk!' Lavi yelled loudly before he bowed his head in apologies and ran past him. As soon as he was out of sight, he stopped and leant against the wall, panting.

'My god…First Yuu, now me…What is going on? I know I'm not gay, and I'm pretty sure he isn't either, so…?'

Just then, he heard several pairs of feet running in his direction. He looked up to see Reever, Johnny and Tapp running towards him, carrying a large net.

'Get him!'

Lavi yelped as they threw the net over him, knocked him off his feet, tied the end and started hurriedly dragging him along the stone back in the direction they had come from. Lavi struggled and reached for his hammer, but found when he made it grow bigger he found it wouldn't cut through the net.

'Sorry, Lavi,' Johnny said, turning his head back to look at him, 'But this is for the good of the world.'

'Ok…' Lavi raised his eyebrow, 'Why are you catching me in a net then?'

'You've caught a disease,' Reever answered, puffing slightly from the effort of pulling the teenager, 'and we need to get you into quarantine until we can find a cure….Wow Lavi, you're heavy, you might wanna lose some weight.'

'That's my hammer, not me. And what disease?' Lavi continued, a hint of fear in his voice 'Is it serious? Deadly?'

'It has the potential to be…You've got lovesickness.'

--

**Ok, really really random stuff here, but I hope you found it amusing. And by the way, this is not yaoi, **

**So sorry fangirls. Anyway, please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for the great reviews, I'm glad you like this. Che, I got the idea when I was talking about the guy I like and my friend said I had come down with a case of lovesickness, so yeah. And sorry, but allenxlenalee wont come till later.**

**By the way, after watching dgm, does anyone else find themselves saying "Che" a lot or calling people "Beansprout"? Cos I do.**

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

'**You've got lovesickness.'**

Lavi blinked in confusion, unsure if he'd heard them right.

'What? Lovesickness?'

'That's correct,' Reever said, nodding, 'I take it you're confused?'

'Uh, yeah. Wanna explain something for me?'

'Basically,' Johnny began, 'Supervisor Komui was experimenting on a secret potion yesterday and it blew up, and it became some kind of strange disease that increases a person's hormone level rapidly, forcing them to kiss the next person they see.'

'I see…'Lavi scratched his head, still being dragged on his back in the net. 'And it spread?'

'Yes, and after searching for almost two days we've traced it to you and we have to quarantine you until we can cure it.'

'Oh…Then wouldn't you have to quarantine everyone else who was infected?'

'Nope,' Reever said, 'The effect of the hormone levels rapid changes shock the system so much that once it you kiss another person and release the levels, the disease is pushed out of your body and into the person you're kissing. Once that happens, you can no longer be infected, and infected people aren't drawn to kiss you.'

'Oh, well, sorry, but I already kissed someone so I don't-'

The tree scientists gasped, dropped Lavi and rounded on him, eyes glinting. He sweatdropped.

'WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US SONER?!' Reever cried in anguish.

'I'm sorry, I didn't know!' Lavi sobbed, slightly scared, 'But…What's so bad about this? It's just kissing, and only one person at a time.'

'Yes, now, but think of the long term affects! If this gets outside the order, wars could be started! Relationships could be ruined! And people could be charged with sexual harassment!'

'And what if the virus mutates?' Johnny cried, sobbing into Reever's shoulder, 'It could be so more then one person could have it! And what if instead of kissing relieving it, it became sex? Everybody would be dead or in jail!'

'Think of the paperwork…' Tapp shuddered, eye wide, 'We would get infinity overtime without pay!'

At this, Johnny cried harder. Reever patted him on the back, trying to comfort him. Lavi gulped and sat up, feeling guilty. There was definitely going to be a problem if they didn't find the finder soon.

'Alright,' He smiled in a positive way, trying not to show his fear, 'I'll help you look for the finder I kissed.'

'Thanks, Lavi,' Reever nodded, 'but he's probably kissed someone else by now, this could take days to track down the newest disease host.'

'So? You need all the help you can get by the sounds of it. Now can you cut me outta this net? My innocence doesn't seem to work on it.'

After Johnny took out a switchblade and cut Lavi free, they all ran in the direction of the finder. As they did, Lavi suddenly remembered something.

'Hey, shouldn't Komui be helping?'

'He is,' Tapp answered, panting from the running, 'We locked him in a lab and he's not allowed any Food or sleep until he finds a cure for the lovesickness.'

Lavi sweatdropped, wondering how Komui would act after a few days of living on nothing but coffee. He shook his head, deciding he didn't want to know.

--

**Deep in his lab, Komui raised a shaking hand to grasp the coffee mug, not taking his eyes off the paper, his eyes zooming back and fourth across it so fast it was scary.** For the past fourteen hours He had been locked in here with nothing but coffee.

'OkokumifthatcausedthatthenwhatifIdidthisnothenthatwouldmakeitworseperhapsifIchangedthispartof theformulaPANCAKES!!' Komui suddenly yelled, jumping high in the air, splashing his coffee everywhere. He looked around, confused, then straightened his glasses on his face and bent back over the papers, muttering to himself in a fast whisper and shaking violently from the caffine overdose.

--

**Yeah, sorry, short chapter. I'm tired cos of the maths exam today. Anyway, hope it wasn't too crappy.**

**And yeah, that's what I think Komui would be like if he was drunk on coffee.**

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own dgm, mission impossible, Indiana Jones or King Kong. They all pwn though.**

**--**

**Lavi spotted Reever and the others a few meters away and ran towards them, his feet sore from all the running today.**

'Any luck, guys?' He asked, panting slightly. The others shook their heads.

'We tracked down the last few people infected,' Reever sighed, but the last person couldn't remember who they kissed.'

Lavi groaned and leant against the wall. They had been running around the order asking people if they had been kissed today or if they kissed someone else, and once people had gotten through calling them perverts had told them they had, and then the search started all over again. It was almost one in the morning, and everyone was tired and cranky.

'Can't we just go to bed and deal with this in the morning?' Johnny yawned tiredly.

'No we can not!' Reever cried, throwing his arms in the air, 'If the infected person goes out of the order-'

'Yeah yeah, death, destruction, sexual harassment, we heard it.' Lavi sighed. 'Ok, does anyone know if Komui has made any headway?'

'We'd better go check.' Tapp suggested.

--

**Reever pushed open the door and the small group entered the lab cautiously, afraid of what had become of Komui on caffeine. **They found the lab was still in tact, fortunately, but in the corner Komui was crouched over a stack of papers, writing across them so fast his hand was a blur and smoke wafted up in gray streams from the end of his pencil. He was quivering almost like he was cold and his eye twitched. He looked scary.

Reever gulped and courageously stepped forward.

'Uh, Supervisor? Have you-?'

Suddenly, Komui leapt about three meters into the air and grabbed Reever by the collar, grinning.

'OHHIREEVERSOGLADYOUCAMETOVISITIWASGETTINGSOBOREDINHEREHOWLONGHAVEIBEENDOWN HEREANYWAY? WEEKS? MONTHS? YEARS? IFOUNDTHEMOSTINTERESTINGCOCKROACH-'

'That's very nice,' Reever attempted to smile, prying Komui's hands off his jacket, 'But we really don't a lot of time so perhaps you could tell us the cure if you found it?'

Komui looked thoughtful for a moment, scratching his head absent-mindedly, then suddenly smiled and pointed into the air, stars appearing around him dramatically.

'The cure is…The infected person has to kiss somebody!'

There was silence. Then, everyone in the room besides the coffee-high scientist fell down and groaned.

'SUPERVISOR!' Reever half-screamed, half cried as he got back up, 'The infected person kissing people is the problem! NOT THE SOLUTION!'

'I know that.'

'THEN WHY'D YOU SAY IT?!' Everyone yelled.

'Cos it really is the solution!' Komui smiled stupidly, the caffeine wearing off slightly, 'We have to infect another person who has not been kissed, then put them in the same room as the first infected person. When they kiss, the viruses will try to attack each other and cancel each other out!'

'I guess that could work…' Reever scratched his chin absent-mindedly, 'But we first need to find the first person, and then it's going to be difficult finding someone here who hasn't been kissed yet, we might have to kidnap someone in town….'

'Let's just concentrate on the infected person first,' Lavi sweatdropped nervously. These scientists were creepy when threatened with more paperwork.

--

**Lavi ran pull pelt down the corridor, jumped down a flight of stairs, did a forward roll and jumped up again, the speed of his gait never breaking. **He then started running towards the front gate.

'God, I hope I'm not too late….' He thought desperately, 'I just did some pretty cool moves though; they should cast me in a mission impossible movie…Or Indiana Jones! Indiana's getting old after all…I COULD BE INDIANA! AND THEN I WOULD GET TO MAKE OUT WITH BLOND CHICKS WHO GET KIDNAPPED! Or is that King Kong…Hm…Meh, either way I'm awesome….'

In his sudden dream of being an action hero, Lavi was distracted from the wall fast coming up, and before he could notice it-

_**BANG!**_

He promptly face-planted into the wall, groaned in pain and fell to the ground, his brain knocked around his head.

'Ow…..' He moaned, sitting up, eyes…Er, I mean, eye…spinning.

'Lavi?' Came a familiar voice.

Lavi blinked to get his vision back to normal and turned to see Lenalee looking at him, a concerned look on her face, dressed to go into town. He gasped, remembering what he had come down here for, and jumped up.

'Lenalee!' He cried, running forward and grabbing her shoulders, 'Lenalee! Did a finder called Michael kiss you today by, um, accident?'

'Uh, yeah, but how do you know?'

'Never mind, I just need to know if you kissed anyone else today. Did you?'

Lenalee looked creeped out. Lavi sighed in exasperation.

'Look, I'm not being perverted...Today…And it's really important if you did, so did you?'

'No,' Lenalee shook her head.

'That's awesome!' Lavi cried joyously, reaching into his pocket, 'Now I have to ask you to wear this and come with me.'

He produced a blindfold. Lenalee looked at it nervously, and then stared suspiciously at Lavi.

'Um, Lavi? You're not planning on doing anything weird to me, right?'

'What? How could you think such a thing of me?!'

There was silence. Lenalee raised her eyebrow. Lavi rolled his eye.

'Point taken. Look, you need to come down to the science labs wearing this blindfold right now; it's too hard to explain.'

He then promptly pulled the blind over her violet eyes and started pulling her quickly along. Lenalee sighed.

'Ok, I'll come, but if you try to rape me I'll kick you between the legs so hard you'll become a woman.'

Lavi shuddered; getting scared just thinking about it. Of course he would never try something like that on a friend, but it still put bad pictures into his head. With dark boots, Lenalee had the capability of kicking a hundred times harder then a normal human.

--

**Right, that's it for today. I hope you all liked this chapter even if it was a bit demented. Heh, that last joke was inspired by a line I heard on the mansion.**

"**I laughed so hard I changed sex."**

**So yay the mansion. And yay to you lot! Please, if you enjoyed this chappie, review. If you didn't enjoy this chappie, review. If you don't care, review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own d.gray-man.**

**--**

'**Ok,' Reever sighed, 'So that's what needs to happen. Are you ok with that?'**

'I guess…' Lenalee said slowly, 'and I'll have to kiss someone anyway eventually due to the lovesickness…Have you found someone to give the second virus to yet?'

'Not yet,' Johnny answered, 'We were going to wait till we found you to um…See if you had any requests.'

'Requests?'

'You know…' Lavi grinned, 'Age, gender, an exorcist…Cursed, perhaps…'

Everyone looked at him strangely, everyone but Lenalee starting to get what he was implying. Everyone knew Lenalee liked Allen, though Komui seemed pretty clueless, but there was no sure way to tell if he had been kissed or not today as they hadn't realized what had happened until hours after the lovesickness had been created.

'Oh, that kind of request…' Lenalee said thoughtfully, scratching her head, 'Um, not really, I would prefer someone around my own age though, and, um, a boy so it's less weird and creepy.'

'Ok,' Lavi grinned, noting Allen fit the description, 'I'll go find a guy for you. I'll be back.'

He gave a salute and exited the lab. Lenalee turned back to Reever.

'Um, so, what happened to Brother? You said something about Coffee.'

'Well….' Reever sweatdropped. 'He drank a cup too much and kinda had a…Episode…'

--

**Komui lay twitching on a hospital bed, hands bound so he couldn't reach his coffee mug.**

'I can see through time….!' He gasped.

--

'**Allen!'**

Allen looked up from his sixth helping of lunch in time for Lavi to appear next to him and drag him to his feet by the collar, out of reach of his precious plates.

'NGH!' He struggled, reaching for his plate, tears of hunger in his eyes, 'No! Food!'

'Concentrate on your stomach later,' Lavi sighed. 'Look, has anyone kissed you in the past few days?'

Allen blinked in surprise and turned to look at the older boy.

'What?'

'I asked if anyone had kissed you lately, or if you yourself have kissed someone. It's really important.'

'Well no, I haven't been kissed by someone today. Why do you ask? Are you planning some kind of perverted-'

'No, I'm not! God, why does everyone think I'm…?'

Allen raised his eyebrow. Lavi sighed.

'Point taken…Again… Look, Lenalee needs your help so come with me.'

At this, Allen completely forgot about his lunch and let Lavi lead him out of the cafeteria.

**--**

**Short, I know, but this was never meant to b a long epic fic. Anyway, reveiw.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, here we go.**

**I don't own d.gray-man, katsura hoshino does, the lucky drongo….**

**I also don't own eBay. **

**--**

**Lavi pushed open the door of the windowless lab ad dragged Allen in. Allen saw the science team in there next to a bench and a tray laden with several potions and a collection of syringes.** Allen felt his stomach go cold. He hated needles, and it looked like he was about to get a bad one.

'Ah, Allen!' Reever smiled comfortingly at him, 'I thought Lavi would go for you. Well, sorry about all this.'

Allen narrowed his eyes suspiciously and made the motion to go out of the room, but when he turned he saw Lavi nailing boards to the doorway with his hammer. The white haired boy sweatdropped.

'Uh, Lavi…?'

'Where'd he get the boards and nails?' Tapp whispered to Johnny, who shrugged.

'Sorry Allen,' Lavi said as he hammered, voice muffled due to the nails he held in his teeth, 'But we've waited too long for an opportunity like this, not gonna let you go now.'

Allen gulped, nervously clutching his arm. He really didn't like where this was going. He turned back to the scientists, hoping for a semi-sane explanation.

'Um, what the hell is going on? You guys aren't gonna take my blood and sell it on eBay to fan girls, are you?'

'Of course not!' Reever said in disbelief. In the background, Lavi wondered how Allen had figured out his April fools day plans.

'Well that's good. So what's going on? Lavi said Lenalee needed my help.'

'Well, basically, Allen, um, there was this explosion which spread a disease, and we need someone who hasn't yet carried the disease to, um…Just get on the table, ok?'

Before Allen could retort, Lavi grabbed him around his waist, lifted him up and held him on the bench. Reever sighed as he put the virus potion in the syringe, listening to Allen struggle and yell. If he knew he had to kiss her, he would probably never go for it because he would be too embarrassed. So this would have to be done by force.

'Ok, someone get Allen's human arm.'

Johnny dashed forward, avoided Allen's flailing limbs, reached out, grabbed his arm, pulled it down onto the bench and tied a strap around it. Tapp weaved around them and tied a blindfold around Allen's grey eyes. Although they had already been kissed, this was a separate disease and so Allen would still try to kiss them.

'EEK! NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! LEMME GO!'

'We're really sorry, Allen…' Reever sighed, coming forward and feeling his arm for the right vein. He found it, patted the skin, poked the needle through the skin and injected the pink liquid. Allen didn't cry out in pain, though, his face just sort of relaxed, lying still. Lavi released him, concerned, and Allen sat up.

'Weird…What was in that?'

'A virus-'

'YOU PUT A FRIGGEN VIRUS IN ME?!'

'-Called Lovesickness.'

Allen looked up at them, though unable to see them.

'What?'

'It increases your hormone levels rapidly,' Lavi explained, 'If you saw us now, you would try to kiss one of us, so I'd keep that blindfold on if I were you. Anyway, to get rid of this virus forever, you have to kiss Lenalee, who also has it.'

'I can't kiss Lenalee!' Allen exclaimed, face going red.

'You'll do as you're told,' Lavi said sternly, coming forward, picking the boy up and slinging him over his shoulder despite Allen's objections, 'Now come on, it's time to give your first kiss to the girl of your dreams.'

--

**Lenalee looked up as the door opened. Lavi appeared with Allen slung over his shoulder.** He was grinning stupidly.

'Hi, Lenalee! Just dropping off a present.'

He then promptly lowered Allen to the ground and ran back out the door. He ran around the room, up a small flight of stairs and into a secret viewing room that Allen and Lenalee couldn't see where Reever, Tapp and Johnny were sitting in beach chairs and eating popcorn, watching the room below them. Lavi pulled up a chair and got out a video camera.

--

Lenalee rushed forward and assisted Allen to his feet. Allen felt her arms around him and blushed.

'Lenalee! Is that you? I can't see!'

'Well that's cos of that blindfold, why are you wearing it? Here…'

'NO! LENALEE! DON-'

But it was too late. The Chinese girl reached up to Allen's face and slipped off the cloth of material. Allen blinked in the sudden flood of light, and the two caught sight of each other. There was a moment in which they stared into each others eyes, then both leapt forward and pulled the other into a deep, passionate kiss.

--

'**SCORE ONE FOR ALLEN-KUN!' Lavi leapt up, punching the air joyfully.**

'Well, it is good that the disease will disappear now….' Reever smiled gratefully.

'um, they're not stopping…' Johnny pointed out.

Everyone looked back at the kissing couple. Indeed, they weren't stopping; in fact, it looked like they were getting rougher and more into it. Reever sweatdropped and reached for the microphone attached to the wall. His voice sounded into the room over the loudspeaker.

'Ok, guys, the lovesickness should be gone by now.'

Allen and Lenalee's eyes snapped open, realizing they were being watched. They quickly pulled away from each other, faces red.

'So-sorry, Lenalee…' Allen said meekly, staring at his shoes.

'Yeah…Me too….'

'Well, it's not like we had control, right?'

'Right.'

'Good….So that's it then.'

'Yup.'

They smiled at eachother, though somewhat half-heartedly. Behind them, the door opened and Lavi strode in.

'So….' He smiled, putting his arms around them, 'You guys have fun?'

The two teens turned around and punched him hard in the face, and ploughinghim through the wall.

--

**Komui sat in the circle of people, surrounded by scientists, a few finders and one or two exorcists.** He sighed heavily and stood up.

'Hi, I'm Komui Lee-'

'Hi Komui.' The group said at the same time.

'- and I'm a coffeeholic. I realized I first had a problem when I went through withdrawal and power-kicked my friend Reever through the roof after he accidently ate my sandwich…I just love coffee so much!'

He sat back down, crying, the people next to him patting him on the back I comfort.

--

**And so ends this retarded story. So glad you guys have liked it, please review to tell me what you think.**


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